Christmas is always a season of reflection, at least it is for me. It’s an opportunity to look back on the year that’s coming to a close and decide what to take with me into the next one. It’s a time out of time when I settle in, get cozy, make a mess in the kitchen with all my various baking conquests, and tap into my Scandinavian love of winter and all things “hygge.”*

This year is no different, especially since it’s the first year my little family is staying put for the holidays in our Happy House. Our 3 year anniversary of moving in is fast approaching and the house and property are reflecting those years of updates and upgrades. So much has happened in that time and so much has happened even in the 11 months since my last blog post. (Reader, I resisted the urge to apologize for that gap in posting. My recent self reflection has unearthed a desire to be free from reproach; I don’t need to tell you that it’s an impossible and exhausting goal. So I do not apologize for going most of 2023 without posting! I’ve waited until I felt moved to do so, and thank you for joining me in this latest installment.) I’m eager to host some out-of-town family and chosen family this weekend, as well as their dogs. A literal puppy pile of people and animals. I can’t wait. The forecast is showing Christmasy weather (or at least not the 40-50° we’ve had sometimes lately), and this week we’ll move some firewood and kindling into the goat shed to stay dry so we can build a bonfire with our guests. Yes, goat shed. The structure that existed here when we bought the property was more of a large lean-to with an open front, or what’s called a “loafing shed,” according to Google. My husband and I built a wall onto half of the open front and installed sliding barn doors onto the other. We both take a little too much pleasure from opening and closing those doors on their track which are smooth as butter. Then we enclosed an area around the shed with T-posts, U-posts, and cattle fencing and gate from Tractor Supply. Now completed, that area looks like it was always meant to house livestock, and maybe it was. We’ve heard that our property was a dairy farm back in the 1920s and I love to think that we’re slowly going back to that original plan. Sadie is very curious about this new enclosure so we sometimes go in and play frisbee, which feels like a novelty to her. It especially came in handy when we recently had to have an enormous old willow tree taken down and the crew and their machinery were doing their dangerous work all day outside, much to Sadie’s dismay. Normally getting the run of the whole place, she had to settle for the goat pen. It’s larger than our old backyard in Brooklyn, which I refrained from reminding her. She knows she’s got the life up here. My husband and I feel the same.

So many of you have been asking, “When will the goats arrive?” It’s a great question, and one I can only answer in a generality. I’ve been told by the breeder that breeding season is just wrapping up and kidding season should start in early April. We’re sending our deposit sometime next week (insert nervous sweat and stomach cramps), and then…we wait. We’re able to take our kids home as young as 2 weeks, with bottle feeding. Oh lord. The plan is to purchase 2 baby does and an older “governess” goat who can teach the young ones the ropes. Can she teach me, too? We’re still deciding on names but want to keep with the theme of singers we love. Some current contenders are: Blossom Dearie, Bonnie Raitt, Billie Holiday, Beverly Sills, KD Lang, Ani DiFranco, Neko Case, Eva Cassidy, Nina Simone. The governess goat will be Jane Eyre. Because, governess. (There’s a musical of the book, so it counts, ok?)

I can’t help but feel like this future addition to our farm-ily is the biggest step yet, and we don’t even know the doors it will open for us. This past weekend I participated in a holiday merchant market where I sold some of my wares; duck feather wreaths, egg ornaments, bath salts with homegrown herbs, and many fine hand-knit items including some potholders that have a very Scandi feel. Must be why I was drawn to that pattern. I was so inspired in the months leading up to the market and produced much more than I would have thought possible in the timeframe. It gave me so much joy and stimulation to make things with my hands that reflect my aesthetic. And then the staging of the merchant stall itself was almost thrilling. Once completed, I thought, “Yes. That’s what the secret rooms of my mind look like.” I have some merchandise left over and am eagerly researching the next market or store where I can set up a stall, aware of the fact that the wares will only increase and diversify when we add the goats. It led A and myself to wonder if someday there is a brick and mortar shop in our future… We’re possibly getting ahead of ourselves, but that’s ok, it’s fun. Even if it’s just a fantasy we pick up from time to time and paint with a few more strokes.

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I haven’t forgotten to update you on my other passion; music. It’s been a year of advancements, opportunities, and some disappointments. (Much like it often is!) I’ve joined the talented and very fun dance band, West Side Drive, as an additional lead singer. I’ve loved performing songs by artists such as Aretha Franklin and Linda Rondstadt, and am eager for us to get the new tunes by Donna Summer that I’ve suggested. We perform on average once a month and it’s been such a fun thing for me to look forward to. I swear I start dancing the second I get on that stage and don’t stop until the music does, 4 hours later. My solo jazz work was going pretty steadily with 1-2 gigs a month until August, when my guitarist suddenly decided to quit. It put me in a difficult spot, as we had future engagements to fill and I no longer had an accompanist. As prolific as musicians are in this region, I wasn’t able to find someone new in time and had to back out of the upcoming dates, much to my discomfort. It was icky and awkward and felt pretty unprofessional and I wondered how it would affect my reputation. To be honest, this blow hit me harder than I might have expected. Looking back I think it felt like it had when I first moved here and was eager to gig as much as my new town would have me, but didn’t know a soul to collaborate with. It took over a year to find a musical community and even longer to establish a reputation and get consistent work. I worried that this wrinkle would thrust me back to square one, and that I wouldn’t have the energy to start over. Thankfully, because of the community I’ve been fortunate enough to find, I’m starting to get those conversations going again and hope to have some solo gigs on the books very soon.

It’s one of the hardest elements of being a working artist. The hustle. The seemingly constant networking and unwavering optimism and confidence, despite what potholes force you to swerve or stumble. I’ve had a lot of practice, it’s true; starting with my acting career as a child that continued and morphed over the next 30-ish years. I’ve learned techniques that help to shield me from the deepest cuts of rejection and disappointment. And I’ve developed a confidence and self-knowledge that exist within the safety of my heart, where no outer critic or director can challenge it. And yet. Some of the cuts from my previous life as a NYC actor may never quite heal and actually, part of my healing was leaving NYC itself and starting a new, healthier life upstate! So I’m working on allowing my newfound peace and deep, simple happiness to step in and quiet the fear that springs up when these setbacks come. It’s a process.

There’s one last seed that I hope will germinate into a delicious bloom. I’m in the early stages of developing a cabaret show that chronicles the journey from “Brooklyn to Barn.” From struggling and slightly frustrated actor living in the Big City to happier, freer, singing farmer in Upstate NY. (With the adorable undercurrent of the romance that developed with my now husband, along the way.)

Next year will be a big one, not only because I’ll be turning 40- a milestone that I’ll celebrate first at home with beloved friends, and then on a 10-day yoga retreat in Morocco. But also because I hope to get the cabaret show on its feet and at a few different venues through Long Island, Saratoga, and perhaps CT. And, obviously, because I’ll be a goat mama. The year “2024” has a great ring to it and I’m going to sing right along.

*Hygge: